I am who I am and I am not ashamed of that. Even though I should be

I know this will be a shock to you all, but my usually impeccable taste is sometimes marred by things that are pretty much awful, but for some reason, seem to have a pull on me, much like the effect gravity seems to be having on this young man’s pants.

 So, if you all promise not to tell anyone, these are top 5 guilty pleasures.

1.       Time Management Games. I can’t tell you how many I have installed on my phone.  My favourite right now is Bug Village. I can’t explain why I love these games so much, but I can’t even count the number of times I’ve downloaded one out of idle curiosity, and then spent the next few hours making sure a pet salon ran smoothly, while leveling up to meet the increasing needs of my tiny pixel-y customers. I really have no idea why these games are so appealing. I think I just like playing god, and controlling little lives. Whatever the reason, I’m embarrassed to admit it in the presence of those with good taste.

Those bright colors are calling my name.

2.       Books with Ridiculous Titles. I love all books, and the snob in me wishes this weren’t the case, but I especially love books with bright colors on the cover, or ridiculous titles. Unfortunately, when these two features combine, the result is almost always really terrible chick lit. Which I hate. But I can’t resist buying the book anyway, if the title makes me chuckle. I secretly hope that people will see my hilariously titled books and also chuckle appreciatively at my sense of humor.

This is not even close to all of them.

3.       Rap Rock/”Nu-Metal”. I hate admitting this the most, I think. Those guys are all douche bags, I know, and the music is definitely really terrible.  But when I am having a really cranky day, nothing cheers me up faster than Fred Durst threating to “skin your ass raw” with a chainsaw. It’s the simple pleasures I guess.

Honestly. Just try to imagine it.

4.       Disgusting Food. I know everyone is all health conscious now and eating, like, glucose free vegetarian kelp, but I just can’t get on board. I like cheeseburgers from Mcdonald's, I craved french fries after reading Fast Food Nation, and I’m not at all concerned about the “pink slime” many places use for chicken nuggets or beef coins or whatever the hell.  

Yummy!

      To be quite honest, if it’s fast food, I’m not going there for healthful food and top quality. In fact, I don’t go anywhere for that ever. Because things that are good for you are almost always not as tasty as something that is bad. So, if you don’t judge me for eating cold pizza over the sink for breakfast, I won’t judge you for drinking kombucha.

Seriously, guys?

5.       Reality TV/Infomericals.  I don’t get sucked into shows like Survivor or Big Brother or American Idol or what have you,  but put on Masterchef or The Home Shopping Network, and I will see you in a few hours because there is no way I’m missing this. I don’t feel so bad about this one, because I’m not the type of person that watches much TV, and I also don’t watch the reality shows the first time around, ever. I almost always discover these shows after they’ve been on for a season or two, and they are airing reruns in a marathon. I love the shit out of those marathons. The infomercials I feel a little guiltier about, because I will watch the same one over and over, and then make other people watch them too. Sometimes I look them up online, just so I can watch them during normal hours of the day. 

I have wanted one of these for nearly a decade.

So there you have it. I clearly have atrocious taste, hidden under a thin veneer of class.