Unfamiliar social situations make me
EXTREMELY uncomfortable, to the point that I just avoid them entirely. This is
not just a case of shyness at meeting new people. Oh no. It doesn’t matter if I
am planning on making a good impression, or if I know I will never see the
people involved again. If there is a situation that I haven’t been in before,
and it involves talking to people, you can almost always count me out. Of
course there are exceptions, or else I would be at home all the days and never
make any friends. Usually, someone has to either be very insistent and force me
and guilt/humiliate me into doing something, which causes me to be shy and
quiet and weird the entire night, or they have to be saintishly patient with
me, and offer me constant reassurance and hand holding the whole time, and also
walk me through the entire situation a zillion times beforehand. Then I might
start to feel sort of a little comfortable with the idea of talking to a new
person or going to a new place. What I’m getting at here is, I’m tons of fun to
be around. Here’s a list of things that send me into a panic spiral.
11. Eating at an unfamiliar
restaurant. Unless I am with someone I know well, and who is also familiar with
the restaurant, I won’t go. There are too many things that could go wrong. I
could hate the food. I could be the wrong sort of person for that restaurant. I
could be under or overdressed. The wait staff could be rude. The menu items
could have ridiculous names, and I will have to mutter that I want a “Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity” but then the waitress won’t hear me and then I will
find myself yelling that phrase out in a suddenly hushed restaurant full of
people. It could be a nudist restaurant. I need to know what I am getting
myself into.
"Can I have that without the Tooty, please?" |
22. Restaurants and other places
where you give your order at a counter, and then have to pick up your order at
some other window or part of the counter or something. I get very anxious about
where to stand while I wait, and become entirely too stressed out while trying
to figure out where to pick my shit up, even if it is clearly labelled. I
struggle to keep my facial expressions out of a look of horror, because I just
KNOW all the people are staring at me, wondering what the poor lost simple girl
is doing.
You can pick up your order at the top of the stairs. |
3. Having to walk into a place
that I don’t know very well to meet people. If I know the place, I know the
layout and how things function, and can get to searching with a purpose. If I
don’t know the place, I will walk in and have a look or confusion and searching
on my face, and for some reason, this is entirely unacceptable to me. It is
terrifying to me, that someone might secretly be watching me, and that they
will see this look cross my face. Especially if it turns out I’m early or
something, and the people I am supposed to be meeting aren’t already there and
then I have to stand around feeling awkward until they arrive.
What my brain thinks is happening every time I walk in a room. |
4.
Tripping when I am walking by
myself. If I trip in front of people I know, I’m totally fine with it and will
probably even laugh while I am laying in the ground bleeding. However, if I
even stumble while walking down a path on my own, I am instantly seized with a
feeling of dread. WHAT IF SOMEONE SAW ME? What if they happen to know everyone
I am friends with and then they tell my friends and my friends hate me? I
struggle to act like it never happened, all the while looking around for
potential witnesses who are plotting to destroy my whole life.
And then this might happen. |
And so on. I guess what we learned today,
is that I’m a huge freak, and I’m quite up on myself for thinking that people
would be interested enough to be looking at me at all times.
While I agree than ANY of the things that you worry about might in fact be happening all the time, I am hard pressed not to wonder why any of it is all that bad? What is the worst that could happen if someone sees you being confused or you don't like the food at a restaurant? In either scenario, I simply can't think of anything dramatic or traumatizing happening. The nudist restaurant idea might be a bit unnerving. But even then, couldn't you just, like, leave?
ReplyDeleteI never said it was all rational. I realize it's not.
ReplyDelete